Rush hour
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Autobiography
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
Writing a book
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
We will love you
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
Definition of a committee
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Walk a mile
Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
Vegetarians
A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.
Spoon
If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!
Roses are red
Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm schizophrenic and so am I.
Smoking kills
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
Parents and children
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.