Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Moderation is a virtue
Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
Money won’t buy happniess
Money won't buy happiness. But it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Men are liars
Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Guilt
Guilt. The gift that keeps on giving.
Eat health food
Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get.
Blame your parents
If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents.
Distrust camels
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink
Brought up to respect the conventions
Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid It did.
Never die for my beliefs
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong
Experience
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name
Definition of an intellectual
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell overture without thinking of the lone ranger
